Interesting quote on love

“I have stressed the fact that the beloved person is a substitute for the ideal ego. Two people who love each other are interchanging their ego ideals. That they love each other means they love the ideal of themselves in the other one. There would be no love on earth if this phantom were not there. We fall in love because we cannot attain the image that is our better self and the best of our self. From this concept it is obvious that love itself is only possible on a certain cultural level or after a certain phase in the development of the personality has been reached. The creation of an ego ideal itself marks human progress. When people are entirely satisfied with their actual selves, love is impossible. The transfer of the ego ideal to a person is the most characteristic trait of love.” – Theodor Reik “Of love and lust”

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  • Sounds reasonable. A fancier (and possibly much less romantic) way to say – “she’s my better half” or “she completes me” no?

  • Maybe self-love (or being entirely satisfied with your actual self) is just the evolutionary next step. Now that we don’t really need each other for pro-creation, who needs the hassle?

  • You have recounted about the epinephrine cycle you experience with the dating arena. IE – Excitement – peaking – then boredom. That being said I’d like to hear your account if any of a special lady. Names redacted of course. Mine = 26 year old gorgeous latina programmer and tough nut to crack with tons of personality…and essentially my mirror. Being your situation probably allows for alot more availabilities I would be curious.

  • Recommended books on love – C.S. Lewis’s, “The Four Loves”; Erich Fromm’s “The Art of Loving”.

    Recommeded book on the way to live life and treat people with love: Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Traveled”

    If we are looking to complete ourselves, that’s need, not love. Need is fragmented; you have to be complete before you can really love or be love. Fragments attract each other.

  • Your quote reminded me of another Germanic intellectual:

    “That which I love, is it not my inmost being? Have I a heart when I do not love? No! love only is the heart of man. But what is love without the thing loved? Thus what I love is my heart, the substance of my being my nature. Why does man grieve, why does he lose pleasure in life when he has lost the beloved object? Why? because with the beloved object he has lost his heart, the activity of his affections, the principle of life.”

    Except in this particular case, Feuerbach was referring to man’s belief in God and making an argument for atheism….conclude from that what you will…;-)

  • Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
    Charles M. Schulz (1922 – 2000), Charlie Brown in “Peanuts”

  • “When people are entirely satisfied with their actual selves, love is impossible.” (Theodor Reik “Of love and lust”)

    I don’t buy it.

    I truly believe that it’s not the above fact that makes people not finding love, but mostly the attitude that comes with it : “being so full of it” (aka le “Daniel Robert syndrome” : “ce que j’aime chez toi.. c’est moi.” (Emission Strip-Tease – Le desarroi esthetique).

  • I actually agree with Marie – I could actually argue the opposite from the quote – if you don’t love yourself, you might find it hard to love anyone.

    I just posted the quote because I thought it was interesting, not because I agreed 🙂