P.S. Tell friend A and friend B that they have WAY too much time in their hands. :-)

For starters, you must have the chemical/pheromonal thing going on, or you’re doomed. I have had lovers where the smell of their sweat was like an aphrodesiac and immediately turned me on and others where the experience of kissing them was akin to smelling sour milk. This type of thing one can not predict, but I suspect it has something to do with genetics, keeping the gene pool healthy and creating strong children. I also think that this type of strong attraction holds couples together and motivates them to work things out when they fight.

On the other hand, this can be a cruel joke by Mother Nature. The few boyfriends and lovers over the years that I have had this intense chemical connection with, didn’t match up with me in other ways, which was really a friggin’ drag!

Let’s start with maturity level and someone’s overall honesty quotient. Wherever one falls on the continuum of honesty (with others, but namely with themselves), I think the other person needs to match that. I have recently been noticing more and more how most people seem to have an inability to be honest with themselves to a greater or lesser degree. Ironically, most aren’t even aware of this fact. It’s too painful to look at. So I think this throws a really big monkey wrench into the whole process. I think one somehow needs to match up with someone who is on the same page with this, but somehow negotiate the whole ignorance with oneself thing. I don’t know if this is making any sense, but anyway…

This rolls us right into whether or not you’re emotionally compatible with someone which is as vast and complex a subject as trying to explain or predict who you will or won’t have physical chemistry with.

I also think you need to match up with on the looks front. You have to like looking at someone. You’re going to be looking at them for a long time. I don’t mean for this to sound shallow, but it’s really the truth. They need to have certain characteristics that will appeal to you even when you’re old. For me, for example I need for a guy’s shoulders to be shaped a certain way, or I just don’t find them attractive. I personally hate men’s shoulders that are shaped like clothes hangers and slope down. I will never find this attractive and it probably dates back to when my relatives were still in caves in Eastern Europe. I also like Mediterranean-looking men for whatever reason.

Then of course, there’s the whole mental thing. If someone can’t carry on an intelligent conversation with me or spell, I have a huge problem wit ‘dat. However all those folks out there who can’t spell have a plethora of candidates to date and mate with. This is why we have so many children in this country that are inarticulate and can’t spell. :-P

And let’s not forget the whole narcissistic versus altruistic spectrum that two people have to negotiate. That’s always a barrel of monkeys!

All I know is that 5 months ago I finally found a dance partner. We’re not a couple off the floor, but the experience of partnering with this guy has been a great learning experience since a professional dance partnership is like a marriage in a lot of ways. It’s also a business relationship as well as a sports team. We fight, we laugh, we cry, we support each other, we depend on each other and at this point have a deep commitment to each other. It’s been interesting. The big thing that keeps me committed to it is our “chemistry” with each other on the floor and the fact that we are well-matched physically, which is key to partner dancing. It’s hard to find, and even harder to find a partner that you get along with and can negotiate with, especially in a world so narcissistic and wacky as ballroom. It’s literally been blood, sweat and tears. However, I consider it one of the top 3 things I’m grateful for in my life today; and I wouldn’t be competing and performing or have the outlet to put my choreography on the floor without him!

I cannot agree more with your final conclusion !

Here are my two cents : I believe that the other half one one’s life is the one who truly gets you..

I found mine in 2002 and eventhough life has its twists of up and downs. We always managed to get back together even on the other side of the ocean.

None of that could have been accomplished without a strong feeling of friendship, fun and yes : inconditional love of each’s other minds !

You’ll find yours, no doubt.

The person you fall “madly in love with” in the infatuation sense who then turns into the person you “love” as in long term friendship and trust etc. sense.

And you shouldn’t compromise along the way. Compromise is always a receipy for disaster.

I met my fiancee about 3 years ago (online) and she lived at the other end of the country. I felt as if I had known her forever within a few hours of meeting her.

I was 32 and the feeling I have with her I could only describe as her being a perfect compliment to me. My ‘other half’. (something I’ve never felt in previous relationships) We are a team.

As well as many other things she is kind and caring and see’s the good in everyone. I guess I’m not :) But together we are both stronger.

BTW I don’t know if you have had time to read it yet but there is an interesting chapter on love & the women behind successful men in that PDF I sent you Fabrice.